How Not to Diet

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May 25, 2007

Yesterday while lying in the tub reading, I decided it's time for me to go on a diet.

But this simple thought filled me with dread. You see, I don't know how to diet. As I began to hyperventilate thinking of the inevitable spiral of destruction the decision to diet would lead me down, I repeated to myself over and over, "Eat less, exercise more, eat less, exercise more." But I remained unconvinced.

First of all, I don't believe in dieting. I believe in making lifestyle changes that involve eating healthier foods including lots of veggies and fruit, and getting up off my increasingly fat ass every once in a while. Dieting is a road to failure. Lifestyle change is a road to success. But? I don't really feel like changing my lifestyle right now. I like my lazy-ass frozen dinners, dammit. Also, the last time I checked, veggies are gross.

Second, every time I try to go about losing five pounds, I lose sight of what I'm doing and instead simply stop eating. I HATE EXERCISING, and I always seem to figure that I won't have to do so much of it if I just hardly eat anything. Instead of eating less and exercising more, I allow myself to think that it would work out pretty well to eat almost nothing and exercise a little bit.

And how does that work out? It doesn't.

The only thing that has ever worked out as a result of that thinking, in fact, was my getting a B in my easy-peasy American Government online class one eating disordered summer because I couldn't remember a frickin' word of anything I read. Also, I was too busy trying to figure out if that slice of apple would put me above 200 calories for the day to bother with anything else. I didn't know anything about the American judicial system, but if you asked me how many calories were in a cup of almost anything, I'd probably nail the number on the head, plus or minus 5 calories.

That B had a profound effect on me. For the rest of college, the one thing that kept me from slipping into disordered eating was my GPA. I wanted a good one. And I graduated with a 3.78. But now I don't have a GPA to worry about, nor do I have a job where I have to be particularly sharp. Except for the fact that I KNOW disordered eating is extremely dumb, there's really nothing to keep me from slipping into my old habits. This scares me.

Chad and I are going to Florida at the end of June with his family, one full year from the date I last wore a bathing suit. And I'd like to look similar to the way I did in that bikini last year, which means this new sub-belly-button pooch? has GOT TO GO.

My plan: 1. Continue walking the doggie every day, even when it's 100 degrees outside (those days are coming quickly) 2. Stop eating all those damn Ritz Crackers we have here at the church for children's Sunday school 3. HEALTHIER frozen dinners for supper (Lean Cuisine?) 4. Simple sandwiches for lunch 4. Hardest of all, no more Blue Bell ice cream every night. Only once a week.

For obvious reasons I don't own a scale, and that's not going to change. I've decided that I'll know how things are going by whether or not my waist drops back down to where it's supposed to be.

Wish me luck. Because I desperately need it.

Find It In:      


Spring, I wish you luck and providence on your endeavor. Don't you hate how sitting at a desk seems to automatically develop that little tummy pooch?

A little advice: something that might help you kick the ice cream habit is popcicles. Also, something I do to make my life easier during the week is to mix up stuff on the weekend and put it in my fridge assembled, like salads, so all I have to do is pull out a bowl and add the dressing. It works great for sandwiches too. You can assemble a whole bunch of them and just pull them out of the fridge when you're ready to eat. I find that canned soup is a good alternative to microwave meals. It's cheap, it's filling, and it's just as easy to prepare.

Have a fabulous weekend!

- Posted by Ann | May 25, 2007 3:51 PM


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Damn, I miss those days when I was naturally skinny. But maybe I was never naturally skinny... we just used to dance a lot.

I'm kind of chunky again. Everyone says, "Oh, it's cute" and "All newlyweds gains weight," but it sucks.

Anyway, Bryan and I are talking about doing Weight Watchers. Beth lost 40+ lbs with WW, and she's kept it off. My problem is yo-yo dieting.

Anyhow, this is all to say that I bet you're tiny and don't really need to lose anything, but good luck anyway. :)

- Posted by Deborah | May 25, 2007 3:52 PM


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Lean Cuisines are not bad, but if you eat them a lot you will get sick of them fast. I take them for lunch probably 2 times a week. I like the mac n cheese, the paninis, and the brick overn pizzas. So the ones that are "healthy comfort food", lol. I haven't tried many others since I like those so much. I'm trying to slowly make lifestyle changes to but it's so much easier just to sit on the couch, you know? And I like baking and then eating what I bake...I hate weight.

- Posted by Julia | May 25, 2007 4:56 PM


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First of all, I really do believe you have lost weight lately. I'm pretty sure I told you that or asked you if you had lost weight sometime recently.

Secondly, I do know what you mean about the poochy belly but a lot of that has to do with um, sitting down. Not that sitting down causes weight gain (well it can if that's all you do...harhar) but sitting down means belly pooches out.

Third, I have gained 15 pounds since college. So, don't feel too bad. You are not the only one. And OMG, last year in Waco it was all about the newest flavors of Blue Bell brought to the newsroom from the nearby creamery. The Dreyers fruit bars are a nice punch of something sweet in lieu of ice cream.

And the only reason I am able to run these days is because I have a goal to run a race without stopping and would feel like a complete loser if I set a goal, had two months to work toward it and then didn't do it.

Longest comment ever. Sorry. But, good luck! I know you can do it and be healthy about it. You've come a long way since those days freshman year when you would run four miles a day and Sarah and I would just watch "America's Sweethearts" yet again.

- Posted by Katy | May 26, 2007 12:20 AM


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I wish you luck in your weight loss adventures, but I think that you are tiny! Wait, I know!

I've been doing Weight Watchers with my mom the past 2 months. If you like spicy food Smart One's has a yummy chicken enchilada suiza, Picante Chicken Pasta and Lean Cuisine has a good lasagne with meat sauce. And one of those brands has some ice cream and ice cream bars.

Good Luck, beautiful!

- Posted by Sarah | May 26, 2007 1:58 AM


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Dear Spring,

You suck. Not because you are thin and going on a diet, because I know a lot of thin people who could eat better and exercise more, but because you are going to Florida at the end of June!

The permanent road map of faded stretch marks on my stomach and butt will be an eternal reminder of motherhood. I'd rather have a trophy or something.

- Posted by Courtney | May 26, 2007 7:03 AM


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Dear Spring,

I suck, because I'm so impatient that I hit the stupid Post Comment button twice and now I look like a moron.

- Posted by Courtney | May 26, 2007 7:05 AM


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I think Lean Cuisines are really good. But I've found two that I really like (Roasted Turkey Breast and Chicken Portobello) and I pretty much just eat those now. I don't get sick of foods very easily though, which is good since there's not that many that I like.

I also have a hard time with the ice cream thing. I told myself that first I'd cut back on eating sweets other than ice cream, and second that I'd try not to buy any ice cream myself and just eat it when I visit my parents, which is at least once a week.

As for exercising, have you tried yoga? I think it's really fun, not too hard, but it does work your whole body.

I've never heard of a supertaster. I hate artificial sweetener, but I think it tastes extra sweet to me, so perhaps I'm not one.

And you didn't offend me about Houston, either; actually I was grateful that you said that it's someplace everyone should visit. I know that some people hate it, but a lot of people love it, too. It's one of those places.

- Posted by Kathleen | May 26, 2007 9:52 AM


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I fixed it, Courtney! No worries. You don't suck!

- Posted by Spring | May 26, 2007 5:32 PM


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take up jogging. i hate exercising with a passion but i love to jog. i write things in my head and put them on paper when i get home.

you might end up liking it.

- Posted by kristi o | May 26, 2007 9:16 PM


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If you are hooked on Ice cream, my mom has discovered a delicious Weight Watchers Giant Chocolate Cookies and Cream Ice Cream Bars. And they don't taste like diet crap.

- Posted by Kim | May 27, 2007 5:44 PM


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Wow. I just read your comments, and I think I'm on a diet advice overload.

My diet advice? Well, you probably shouldn't listen to me because I've managed to eat a Twix bar and a bag of Doritos since I got here to work (3 hours ago).

Nice, huh?

- Posted by ...Beccalynn | May 27, 2007 6:09 PM


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weight watchers or jenny craig can be good because they'll set you up with a nutritionist to tell you what weight is good for your height and bone structure. WW also has a program alternative to the points system, called "core foods" or something like that. It's better for people who just want to make better choices, not reduce calories. In all honesty, I've seen pics of you (via katy) and you don't look like you need to lose weight. I'd say start first with an exercise program and 3 squares a day, and see where that gets you.
ps Central Market hosts cooking classes. Whole foods are always better than pre-cooked, pre-packaged.

- Posted by jen | May 27, 2007 9:58 PM


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Wow, I could have wrote this entry. I have no idea how to diet; I'm just now finding a pattern that doesn't involve binging, purging, or starving. It sounds like you have the right mindset (esp. not owning a scale!), I'm sure you'll do great!!

- Posted by The Underpaid Princess | May 28, 2007 10:09 AM


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You can do it!

I think your plan sounds great. It's always best to eat tons of fruits and veggies and whole foods but you know what? Those fruits and veggies and whole foods can get expensive (and boring ... oh my gosh ... so boring). So, I say to go ahead and go the healthy frozen dinner way. They are high in sodium, but as long as you don't dump salt on every other food you eat during the day, you'll be fine. I like Lean Cuisines, too. Also, I've found that fruit juices are the best way for me to get my fruits and veggies. The "Naked" and "Bolthouse Farms" juices are the best, because they don't contain preservatives or added sugar. And they taste good.

Good luck!

- Posted by Katie | May 29, 2007 5:15 PM


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