I'm Spring Weaver,
formerly Spring Frankenburger. I used to have a really funky German last name until I married one Chad Weaver on July 1, 2006, and took his decently common German last name mostly so that I could stop having to spell my name when talking to customer service representatives over the phone. We reside in Dallas, Texas with our Weimaraner, Rufus. Chad is a web designer, programmer, and SEO specialist, and I owe him my life, or at least this blog. I repay him incrementally by writing about him as little as possible. Luckily, Rufus will most likely never be able to read, and therefore his ongoing battle with separation anxiety is common fodder for this blog.
I was born on the first day of spring* in 1983 and raised Southern Baptist in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I did not once question my faith until I was handed my B.A. in English from John Brown University, a non-denominational private Christian school in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. Rumor has it that Siloam Springs once held the national record for churches per capita, though, according to wikipedia, this rumor is unconfirmed. I now consider myself an Episcopalian, perhaps the ultimate act of rebellion in my mother's eyes.
After college I worked for an ad agency as an account coordinator, which means I was paid to dress provocatively, drink toxic amounts of liquor, and flirt with our male clients. To prevent my soul from leaking out my ears, I began visiting the Episcopal church across the highway for noon Eucharist. I took a job with that church and, in addition to administrating and such, spent most of my time trying to right my own soul. In the summer of '07 this very blog quite unexpectedly scored me an interview with TracyLocke**. Now I'm back in the ad biz, this time as a copyeditor. So far my biggest work achievement involved taking the incorrect apostrophe out of "Xbox 360s."
I tried for a few years to be anorexic, but it didn't take. The residual effects generally include an irregular heartbeat from all that Metabolife and a personal fondness for my disproportionately tiny boobs. Immediately following my recovery, I went through a phase in which I thought I was Sylvia Plath. I wore my hair in retro hot-roller curls for months, wrote lots of shitty poetry and even published a couple in my college's literary magazine, which no one, not even my mom, has read. In the end, I concluded that I am too long on sanity and too short on talent.
I believe that Bill Murray TOTALLY should have won the Best Actor Oscar for Lost in Translation and consider this to be one of the biggest travesties of all time. Every so often I throw around the idea of writing the Academy to inform them of their egregious error. Of course, I would also write Bill to let him know that he won Best Actor in my heart.
My best friend says that my entire personality can be summed up by the following story:
Sophomore year of college, a huge group of us were playing “I Have Never” at a birthday party for two girls in my dorm. When it came to be my turn, I said, “I have never had an orgasm.” After a few people nervously got up and exchanged chairs, several girls started crying, and the party was immediately over.
I was not blessed with people skills. Which is why we're all very lucky we've got this worldwide web separating us. I am forever grateful for the revision-heavy writing process.
Likes: Singer-songwriters that channel Nick Drake, 99-cent chocolates from Target that are available only around Valentine's Day, living in the city, craftsman houses, tulips, the French language, conspiracy theories, cold chocolate cake, the band name The Tragically Hip, singing harmony, robust coffee
Dislikes: Text messaging, when otherwise smart girls date assholes, swallowing pills, dishonesty, the incorrect usage of apostrophes, exercising, revolving doors (literal and metaphorical)
*The first day of spring is March 20, not March 21. It is the same every year. Some calendars get confused. If your calendar is one of the confused ones, please don't fight with me about the correct first day of spring. I've got wikipedia on my side. I will buy you a correct calendar, if you'd like.
**The opinions expressed on this blog are solely MY opinions and are NOT the opinions of TracyLocke, its clients, shareholders or affiliates. READ: Please don't fire me for my blog.